In the Valley of Baca Journal #25

January 3, 2020: Some days the Lord sends a special message to me in the Secret Place of prayer—which can happen anytime, anywhere for me—Amy Carmichael’s poem about prayer comes to mind (the title evades me), “There is a quiet, cloistered place/ As high as heaven, as fair as day/ Where though my foot may join the throng/ My soul can enter in and pray./ One harkening even cannot know/ When I have crossed the threshold o’er,/ For only He Who hears my prayer/ Has heard the shutting of the door.”

Here are some of the Spirit’s whispers to me:

“Our days may come to seventy years,
or eighty, if our strength endures;
yet the best of them are but trouble and sorrow,
for they quickly pass, and we fly away.”  ~Psalm 90:10

 “Eye has not seen, nor ear heard, nor have entered into the heart of man the things which God has prepared for those who love Him.” ~1 Corinthians 2:9, NKJV

 “The Creator Who created all the earthly beauty we have grown to love . . .

the majestic snowcapped peaks of the Alps,

the rushing mountain streams,

the carpets of wildflowers,

the whir of a humming bird’s wings . . .

this is the same Creator who has prepared our heavenly home for us! If God could make the heavens and earth as beautiful as we think they are today – which includes thousands of years of wear and tear, corruption and pollution, sin and selfishness – can you imagine what the new Heaven and the new earth will look like? It will be much more glorious than any eyes have seen, any ears have heard, or any minds have ever conceived.” ~Anne Graham Lotz

“He has made everything beautiful in its time. He has also set eternity in the human heart…” ~Eccl.3:11

“God is most glorified in us when we are most satisfied in Him” (John Piper).

January 26, 2020

Psalm 37:4-7

 Take delight in the Lord,
and He will give you the desires of your heart.

Commit your way to the Lord;
trust in Him and He will do this:
 He will make your righteous reward shine like the dawn,
your vindication like the noonday sun.

 Be still before the Lord
and wait patiently for Him;

Feb 24, 2020: Bill and I flew back to Florida yesterday—3 days after my 5^th chemo treatment in this second round of 6 cycles. As the plane was taking off from the Grand Rapids airport, the sun was just rising in the east—golden red. Its brightness reflected on the plane’s wing, and lit the passenger cabin brightly as it rolled across the inner walls and ceiling of the plane. A beautiful song came to mind as we lifted off and up—“And He will raise you up on eagle’s wings/Bear you on the breath of dawn/ Make you to shine like the sun/ And hold you in the palm of His hand.” The song ministered hope and comfort to me. The song is called (I believe) “On Eagle’s Wings.”

March 5, 2020: I have come to realize lately how dependent I am on the Holy Spirit to maintain my sense of connection with the Lord. Total dependence. Sometimes I feel so weak in my spirit that if He does not support me, there is nothing I can do.

At dinner a couple nights ago, conversation drifted toward what it is like to know that one’s days are numbered—like for me to have a death sentence hanging over my head with this cancer diagnosis.  Of course, everyone who was ever born has a death sentence hanging over them, but we tend not to think about it, especially when we are young.

But for me, I think about my mortality every day. The cancer diagnosis has caused me to go deeper into my hope of everlasting life. I am looking forward to the next phase in life—life after the death of this body. Since my diagnosis, three acquaintances of mine have died unexpectedly—younger, healthier until very recently for two of them, and an accident for the third.

The question at dinner arose: do I think it is better to know, as I do, and have time to prepare, or, would I prefer to not know ahead of time that my days are numbered? I feel that for me it has been good to have time to process—both personally and for my family. I appreciate having time to put my things in order; to think about my legacy to the family and especially the grandkids. And this knowing gives me opportunity to glorify the Lord each day that He gives me—how can I praise Him for His goodness to me?

March 14,2020: The Corona Virus has become a plague, so it seems. People, even here in the USA, are panicking and clearing out the grocery shelves of food and health products. Fear of quarantine. Today Psalm 91 comes to mind: “There shall no plague come nigh thy dwelling…”

I have to fly home to Michigan tomorrow, amid all the dire warnings about air travel, and how it is dangerous for older folks, like me, and especially if we have an underlying health problem—like me. But I am going to take precautions—and trust Him. My times are in His hands.

March 26, 2020: Psalm 91: “He that dwells in the secret place of the Most High shall abide beneath the shadow of the Almighty (v.1)…you shall not be afraid for the  pestilence that stalks in darkness (v.6),…there shall no plague come nigh thy dwelling (v.10)…”

God’s promises await the faith of believers—in the light of what is currently going on in the world with the Covid 19 virus threatening and taking lives, I feel comforted by the promises of Psalm 91. Abiding in the “shadow of the Almighty” is the most safe place anyone could ever be—in life or in death. Having had my most recent chemo treatment last week, combined with my age being over 65, I realize I am in the high risk category. So I am taking the precautions recommended (handwashing, social distancing, sheltering at home) but will not live in fear of this disease. God’s promise covers me.

Your Early-Morning Name

Epignosis: Greek = super-knowledge(understanding beyond the rational)

Luci Shaw writes in her book, “Horizons: Exploring Creation,” of how she gets in touch with the texture of the day by being outside—walking or sitting quietly—she gains her “epignosis” by being still outdoors in the morning. That is when she can hear the inner voice.
I too find that sitting by an open window (unless it is too cold) when I first arise in the morning helps me center my thoughts on God. Then I can see the dawning light, hear the outdoor sounds of birds or rain or wind, or water on the shore—all these things add to my morning “epignosis.”

But the true epignosis happens when the Lord reaches down and touches my spirit—the painting by Michelangelo comes to mind of the Finger of God reaching down to touch the finger of Adam, whom He has just created, imparting His Spirit into man’s.

Before getting involved in the activities of the day, I wait quietly before Him, waiting for and expecting His touch.

This for me is the first step each day in “practicing the Presence of God.” 17th century Carmelite monk, Brother Lawrence describes it in the book of his teachings, “The Practice of the Presence of God”:

“The time of business does not with me differ from the time of prayer; and in the noise and clatter of my kitchen, while several persons are at the same time calling for different things, I possess God in as great tranquility as if I were upon my knees at the blessed sacrament.”

This longing for the sense of His Presence in my daily activity was what led me into the epignosis of the infilling of the Holy Spirit. I had tried so hard to feel God’s Presence, to keep Him in my conscious thoughts while at home or at work. And I found it to be so difficult—next to impossible.

But in the process of trying and failing, my hunger for Him grew to a new intensity. And that is when He asked me to give my whole self to Him. But there was something in me that I was holding back, and after several weeks of struggling against Him, resisting Him because I was afraid, I then became fearful that He would withdraw Himself from me. I pled with Him not to give up on me, not to leave me.

And finally I yielded. In the yielding, in the abandoning of my whole self to Him, I found that He then gave Himself to me. Not that I could ever contain all of Him, for that would be like a thimble trying to hold all the ocean. But He filled me with Himself. Fulfillment of my longing to sense His Presence at all times now became His gift to me—and continues even now, over 40 years later. My part is to keep my morning tryst with Him, wait quietly before Him in His Word, and each day then begins with a epignosis.

The old-time saints knew of this and wrote about it:

A.W. Tozer (1897-1963):

“Constantly practice the habit of inwardly gazing upon God. You know that something inside your heart sees God. Even when you are compelled to withdraw your conscious attention in order to engage in earthly affairs, there is within you a secret communion always going on.”

Brother Lawrence (1666):

“Accustom yourself, then, by degrees thus to worship Him, to beg His grace, to offer Him your heart from time to time in the midst of your business, even every moment you can.

Abraham Kuyper (1837-1920):

“The fellowship of being near God must become a reality…It must permeate and give color to our feelings, our perceptions, our sensations, our thinking, our imagining, our willing, our acting, our speaking. It must not stand as a foreign factor in our life, but it must be the passion that breathes throughout our whole existence.”

My morning tryst with Him in His Word and in prayer is what keeps me in the awareness of His Presence. Have you discovered this for yourself? He created you for deep fellowship with Himself; for epignosis—for understanding of Him that is possible beyond the bounds of rational thought. He invites you to Himself…

“Handling His Word, we feel His flesh,
His bones, and hear His Voice
Calling our early-morning name.”
~Luci Shaw

He’s calling your “early-morning name”—do you hear Him? Will you come?

Budding Tree

 

Soon to burst into pink glory along the bare arms of the tree, tiny clusters of pink buds swelled on the redbud tree gracing the edge of the hedgerow near our house. Along with the other awakening trees and flowers, they are proclaiming, the rebirth of spring.

What silent whispering, what inaudible murmuring has gently stirred this tree from winter’s sleep? All nature obeys the command of God, responding to that silent whispering that quickens, that causes new life, both plant and animal, to spring forth. The Bible declares, “As long as the earth endures, seed time and harvest, cold and heat, summer and winter, and day and night will never cease.” (Genesis 8:22 NIV) In God’s plan it is the bright light of the equinox sun, the warmth of the south wind, the misting of the spring rains that elicit this gentle response to His command.

Considering this springtime awakening, Martin Luther once said “Our Lord has written the promise of the resurrection, not in books alone, but in every leaf in springtime.” The promise of resurrection. The first installment of that “promise… written in every leaf of springtime,” begins with the rebirth of our human spirits when we believe in Jesus as Lord and Savior.

Similarly, the 12th century monk, Brother Lawrence, testified that it was through observing the bare skeleton of a dormant tree miraculously awaken to life in the spring that led him to an understanding of the new birth experience of the spirit.

As it is for the trees and flowers, so it is for each person, that at some time in our life a majestic call whispers deep in our own spirits—a nudging to rouse from the winter sleep of spiritual death—we are naturally dead in our sins and trespasses. The trees and flowers have no choice—they must respond to the command of God. But unlike the rest of creation, people do have an alternative. Many choose that alternative and ignore the call when it comes. They are too busy in their own pursuits, too offended at the commands of God, too enslaved by the pleasures and passions of the flesh. Or maybe they just don’t know how to respond, and so they deafen their ears and turn away. In the end, they are turning away from their only hope of eternal life and, tragically, embracing spiritual death.

But to those who hear and respond, new life in the spirit bursts into bloom—like the blooms on the budding redbud tree. This calling of the Holy Spirit to our spirits is merely the beginning, for the invitation is to do more than just awaken—after awakening comes growth.

In Ephesians, Paul prays that we may “may have power… to grasp how wide and long and high and deep is the love of Christ, and to know this love that surpasses knowledge.” (Ephesians 3:18-19 NIV).

This new life must be watered and nurtured by the Word of God so that it can grow. God beckons us to go deeper, to become the person He made us to be, to experience and to “be filled to the measure of all the fullness of God.” (Ephesians 3:19) And it is for this purpose: “This is to My Father’s glory, that you bear much fruit.” (John 15:8—NIV)

The new life to which we awaken is unending quest to know God and His love for us, to know His will, to trust Him and to obey—even in times when we don’t understand His will.

Just like the tree, which puts forth its leaf, then flowers and bears fruit, we are to do likewise. First the leaf (the new birth) , then the flower (growing in the knowledge and love of God), then the fruit (fruit of the Spirit—love, joy, peace, patience, kindness, goodness, meekness, faithfulness, self-control)—for that is the Father’s plan.

Only a Pen…

“I was but a pen in the Hand of God, but what praise is due a pen?”

~Richard Baxter, 17th Century

It seemed an unlikely scenario for me. I was 17 years old, a shy, scared farm kid, and a new University of Michigan student in the School of Nursing. I was also a new Christian. I didn’t have all the resources believers have these days. I only had my Bible. But I was reading it every day, studying it, learning about God from it. I was praying for help from God to face this scary new situation, and felt I was receiving strength from Him.

As part of my curriculum, I had to take the Freshman Composition class. My professor was an avowed atheist, and worked it into his instructing time, ridiculing God, Jesus, the Bible and Christians in general. I don’t remember his name, but I do remember how his icy blue eyes pierced as he instructed and railed against Christianity.

Our writing assignments were general in nature, although the format was precise: handwritten, double spaced on lined paper (so he could make his comments), and a certain number of words. He may have assigned topics (my memory is vague), but how we addressed the issue was of our own choosing.

I don’t know now if my ideas of what to write about stemmed from things he said in class against the Bible and God, but the papers I wrote were often taken from Bible verses. This seems unlikely to me now because of my shyness at the time. Why would I dare to defend Christianity, challenging this professor who not only intimidated me, but also had the ability to give me a failing grade?

I was timid—but not really cowardly. So I did it. I wrote my first essay based on Proverbs 4:7, “The beginning of Wisdom is: get Wisdom (skillful and godly Wisdom) and with all you have gotten, get understanding.” I wrote about the wisdom of knowing God. Another essay was a tongue-in cheek mocking of modern music and the way rock musicians performed, calling it a throwback to ape-like behavior. There were probably a half dozen essays in all that were required.
After every paper was turned in, we students had to each meet personally with the professor so he could go over the paper with us, explaining and teaching us how to write better. Those meetings were agonizing for me because I knew I was disagreeing with him and tweaking his beliefs a bit. Though he wore a smirking smile, he was always respectful, and kind in his comments. I still cringed inwardly, intimidated, afraid of what he might say to me.

At home, alone, when I would sit down at my desk to write my assignments, I would feel the presence of the Lord. I couldn’t explain it at the time, but when I wrote the last essay and went in for the private meeting, my professor seemed surprised, even amazed, at what I had written. He said it was a “formal meditation” in style. He compared it to “For Whom the Bell Tolls” by John Donne. He asked me if I knew what I had done, but I didn’t know anything about how to write a formal meditation.

This is what makes me think God was using me in some way. My professor even read my essay in front of the class, praising it and explaining it to the other students—even though it was about God. To his credit, he gave me an A as a final grade.

Was God speaking to that man through my writing? He, a proud and defiant man—and me, this shrinking violet of a young girl who with my pen was expressing what I now believe the Holy Spirit was putting into my mind? Perhaps…

“The foolish thing that has its source in God is wiser than men, and the weak thing that springs from God is stronger than men.” ~I Corinthians 1:25

Think of how God may use the things you say to others. The Bible stresses that it is important to guard our tongues from gossip, from coarse jesting, from evil-speaking in any way —and to honor God with our words, partly because we may never know what effect those words may have on another person.

I would like to think that, like the 17th century Puritan theologian and writer Richard Baxter, that perhaps I was, though unknowingly, a pen—an instrument in God’s Hand:

“I was but a pen in the Hand of God,

but what praise is due a pen?”

A Person to Know

The evangelist, R.A. Torrey, said, “Before one can correctly understand the work of the Holy Spirit, one must first of all know the Spirit Himself. A frequent source of error and fanaticism about the work of the Holy Spirit is the attempt to study and understand His work without first of all coming to know Him as a Person.”

I had been a born-again Christian for ten years when I met Ron in the hospital operating suite where he worked as an orderly, and I had newly come to work as a nurse. A mop of afro-styled, bright red hair, and wire-rimmed glasses spoke to me of his hippy life-style. Yet the first time I saw Ron, he was on his coffee-break from his janitorial duties, leaning against a pile of full laundry bags and pouring over a small New Testament.

I asked him if he was a Christian, and so began a friendship that would lead me to powerful changes in my life as a believer. I invited him to a Bible study my husband and I were involved in, and he became a regular member. Ron had only been a Christian for two years, having come to the Lord through the “Jesus Movement” in California in the 1970s. But his knowledge of the Scriptures and ability to explain them was astounding to me.

It was through Ron’s testimony that I came to know the Holy Spirit. As a believer, the Holy Spirit was living in my heart, but I had never really met Him. In fact, I was a little bit afraid of Him—there was in some circles what seemed like a fanaticism about the Holy Spirit, and I didn’t want to be a part of that. But Ron’s example of a Spirit-filled life was so powerful that I found myself wanting what he had. I began longing and yearning for that intimate relationship with the Spirit that I saw in Ron, but I was bound up inside with fear, and that blocked me from Him

In fact, fear ruled my life—intensely shy, I was afraid of people and what they thought of me; tongue-tied, I was afraid to even speak the name of Jesus. But through Ron’s influence, the Holy Spirit drew me to Himself. At the same time, a book I was reading, “The Practice of the Presence of God,” by Brother Lawrence, was creating a longing in me to live in the awareness of God’s Presence as this 12th Century monk described as his own experience.

After eight months of struggling, longing and feeling the conviction of the Holy Spirit, I finally was able to lay down my fears and give Him full access to my heart. What I found was that an intense Sweetness surrounded me and infused me. He is Love personified—Love, Beauty, Wisdom, Power and Grace, all in One. He is the very Spirit of Jesus. A very real Person!

Coming to know the Holy Spirit has brought power over the fears that ruled me, but that is not the best part. The best part has been finding the intimacy with the Lord that I so longed for—it is living in the awareness of His Presence day in and day out. It is hearing Him whisper to me through His Word, and move through me as I obey Him.

“Throw your heart open to the Holy Spirit and invite Him to fill you. He will do it. Make your heart a vacuum and the Spirit will push to fill it.”

~A.W. Tozer, The Pursuit of God

Everybody Wears A Yoke

Everybody wears a yoke of one sort or another. A metaphor for how we deal with life, if our “yoke” isn’t the easy yoke offered by Jesus, it will be another one and ultimately difficult. It may be the yoke of pride: “My life is my own and I’m going to live my life my way!”; or of fear: “What will people think of me? What could happen to me?; or perhaps it is a yoke that is forced upon one by another, (as in an abusive relationship, or human trafficking). No matter what our yoke is, if it’s not the yoke of Jesus, the burden will be heavy and difficult to bear.

Doesn’t that make it even more poignant what He says about His yoke—there will be rest, peace, and a lightness of the load? The beauty of His yoke is that it can be taken and worn in whatever situation we find ourselves. His yoke is about dealing with our circumstances in His way—obeying Him, receiving guidance from Him, and experiencing the outcome of doing things His way—for He promises to work everything together for good for those who love Him (Romans 8:28).

So as He personalizes His yoke for each of us, making it fit perfectly, He also joins us in the yoke, sharing in the burden, pulling alongside us. Certainly Christians have endured severe and extremely difficult situations through the ages. During persecution for instance, believers had a hope of eternal life that carried them through. Just as Jesus Himself endured the agony of the cross for the hope that was set before Him, imagine those early Christians in Roman times being thrown to the lions, or crucified for Jesus’ sake or those burned at the stake (and even today how Christians are suffering persecution in the Middle East and around the world)! There is a cross of suffering for each believer to endure, but it is the joy of the Holy Spirit and  hope of eternal life we have in Him that is our strength to get through it.

So as you are enduring your difficult situation, as you work your way through it, and if you have indeed taken the yoke of Jesus, think of the hope you have in Jesus as His yoke. Remember that He is pulling alongside you and with you taking the weight of it on Himself. What you may feel as hard and deep and cutting is not His yoke, it is the pain that sin—maybe yours, or maybe the sin of another—is causing you. By choosing the yoke of Jesus, by yielding your life to Him, you are choosing the way of hope and joy and deep inner peace, no matter what else is going on.

Silken Wings

My first experience with deep sorrow was at age seventeen. I was overwhelmed with grief at the time over something that had happened in my family and for which I blamed myself. In all my seventeen years, I had never felt such emotional pain. I had been a good kid, nearly always seeking the approval of my parents; but now the wrath of my father was on me for something which I had been complicit in—not because I intended to do wrong, but because I was too weak and immature to stop it.

Now I was trying to be obedient to my parents and to the Lord, but my family was in an uproar and I didn’t know how to fix things. As a result, although outwardly I pretended that nothing was wrong, inwardly, I was in agony.

During those first few months of turmoil and pain, whenever I was alone I would struggle with waves of grief that would sweep over and overwhelm me. During one such time, as the waves of agony surged over me, I began pouring out my heart to Jesus, calling out His name over and over—Jesus!… Jesus!… JESUS! The last time I spoke His name, suddenly there came a rush, a warm embrace—nothing seen, nothing heard—but an intense, soothing, silken warmth around the exact place in my heart that was aching so. It lasted only a few seconds, but the effect was dramatic. An ecstasy of comforting had enveloped me–and it felt as if silken wings had wrapped around my heart.

In retrospect I understand now it was  the Holy Spirit, the Comforter, Who touched me. It is hard to describe exactly what that balm was like, but so startling was it in its beauty that I exclaimed aloud to myself under my breath, “He’s real! He’s real! HE’S SO REAL!!”

So is it mere religion? Or is it reality? For so many, religion is something separate from the day-to-day part of their lives—religion is a set of rules, some moral teaching to follow; or perhaps practices for certain holy days; it is doing certain things to try to gain favor with God (Whoever one perceives Him to be) and Whom one will presumably have to meet someday in the future.

But Christianity is much more than mere religion—it is a relationship. It’s about God reaching down to us and paying the blood price to reconcile us to Himself. Christianity is true, and the things we believe are meant to become reality in our daily lives.

That is to say, God’s Truth is meant to be experienced. Jesus told us this when He said, “The person who has My commands and keeps them is the one who really loves Me; and whoever really loves Me will be loved but My Father, and I too will love him and will show (reveal, manifest) Myself to him. (I will let Myself be clearly seen by him and make Myself real to him.)” (John 14:21, Amplified Bible). As with all of God’s promises, there is a condition that we must first fulfill, which He follows with His part of the promise—and God will always keep His promise.

So often it is our pain that motivates us to look for Him, to try to find that reality in our faith. Although we don’t like pain, it does serve to get our attention. As C. S. Lewis explains, “Pain insists on being attended to. God whispers to us in our pleasures, speaks to us in our conscience, but shouts to us in our pain: it is His megaphone to rouse a deaf world.”

So do you love Him? Do you demonstrate that love by trying to obey Him? Then begin looking for Him, for He will surely show Himself to you. It may not be with “silken wings” as He made Himself so real to me that one time, but He will reveal Himself to you in ways both surprising and convincing. He will, because He always keeps His promise.