In the Valley of Baca Journal #23

August 22, 2019: “Your eyes shall see the King in His beauty…” (Isaiah 33:17) I feel this promise is about the life that is to come. It gives me hope.

September 3, 2019: “I shall not die but live, and shall declare the works and recount the illustrious acts of the Lord.” (Psalm 118:17)            I was mildly amused recently listening to a Gospel song called “Everybody Wants To Go To Heaven, But Nobody Wants To Die.”  That is a true statement. 

September 14, 2019: I awoke this morning with this verse in mind: “Every day will I bless Thee—I will praise Your Name forever and ever.” (Psalm 145:2)  Forever and ever goes well beyond this life. I feel like I am being reminded more and more about the next life that awaits me—that although this present life will end, life itself does not end here.

“You, Lord, keep my lamp burning; my God turns my darkness into light.” (Psalm 118:28)

October 9, 2019: “God uses suffering and impending death to unfasten us from this earth and to set our minds on what lies beyond.” (Randy Alcorn in Heaven)  This is so true. I’m feeling unfastened. And I’ve changed the way I’m thinking about the end of this life—instead of thinking about “when I die…” I’m framing it a “when the Lord calls me Home.” That perspective changes my outlook from a feeling of sadness to an expectation of hope and excitement for what waits beyond.

October 20, 2019:

“Courage! 
For Life is hastening

To endless Life away.

The inner fire unwasting

Transfigures our dull clay.

See the stars melting, sinking

In Lifewine golden, bright.

We of the splendor drinking

Shall grow to stars of light

~George MacDonald

So the other shoe has dropped—my latest CT scan has shown that the cancer has once more reared its ugly head and returned. I will need to have another round of chemo immediately. There has been some pain over the last couple months, so the chemo may actually bring some welcome relief. Emotionally, it has been a another hard hit for me, for my family and friends to have to work through the implications of all this once more—not as hard as the first time, but we are still in the Valley of Weeping, of Baca. And yet the peace of God, which passes understanding, is keeping and guarding my heart.

None of us has more than the present moment—we’re not even guaranteed the next breath, although we live as if life here on earth will just go on as it always has before. I have been made very aware of my own mortality and it is something that I think about every day. But I think about it with thankfulness that the Lord has made Himself known to me; and that the promises that are in the scriptures about the life to come are real for those who believe in Him—and will become real for  me at some point. For now, I will live to give thanks for every day—and night, for the scriptures say that “For He gives blessings to His beloved even in his sleep.” (Psalm 127:2) –days and nights, maybe even years, that I have left to live here on earth with my beloved family and friends.